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“Your manners are your beauty”

Please tell me that good manners are the new cool. It’s the natural progression of the call for mutual respect made en masse by generations Y/Z/Alpha. And yet, judging by the number of doors in the urban jungles that are slammed in my face, the rude off-camera outbursts, and opportunists interrupting conversation for a broadcast subtitled, ‘moi, moi, moi’ - I am concerned. I’m aghast that some people see etiquette and manners as emotional currency that they can manipulate to build an empire on social media, to be identified as ‘kind’ in order to get collateral leverage.

I’ve taught my children to always hold a door open for anyone and everyone that stands behind or beside them. It is one of the few ways we can keep a sense of societal respect intact, and with very little effort too. Last weekend a friend of mine walked around to open the car door for me and I felt like a million dollars. These unprompted, small gestures do make a difference.

The notion of true etiquette is that you have a natural respect for those around you; you acknowledge, factor in and accommodate the needs of others as you flow through moments in life. It doesn’t mean you are a victim by putting everyone else first, but it does mean that you respect all people. Even if it doesn’t benefit you one bit to do so. "Politeness [is] a sign of dignity, not subservience." ―Theodore Roosevelt. This is a principle that I hope we do not lose in today’s world of deep troubles, unpredictability, and synthetic reputations. Components of Deenathe1st’s term ‘radical elegance’ are: kindness, self respect, and respect for others. Naturally, manners are paramount to exuding ‘radical elegance’. 

Here are the foundational principles of etiquette:

1. Stand up when a new guest arrives at the table.
2. When being welcomed into someone else’s home, personally greet all people directly in the room.
3. Always offer your seat to someone considerably older or younger than you.
4. Consider your words: are they helpful and productive? If not, do they really need to be said? “Speak good or remain silent” are the wise words from the Messenger and Prophet Muhammed.
5. Offer a drink to others before you pour one for yourself.
6. Hold the door open for all people behind you and offer for them to walk through it first.
7. Knock and ask if you can enter a room before bursting in on someone’s personal space.
8. Please and thank you are the basics; go further by adding reflections such as: “Thank you for this X, I really appreciate the time you’ve taken to…” etc.
9. Avoid assumptions. Enquire politely for specifics.
10. Gossip is unkind. Speak in facts and fair words.
11. Learn the fine art of asking questions without prying or being overly familiar.
12. Be intrigued by the person you have a revulsion for. Not every person carries themself with ease in social situations, so have patience with people.
13. When meeting new people, a natural smile is the most beautiful first introduction to you.
14. Speak about others as though they were standing next to you.
15. Remember to listen to what other people are saying, rather than reloading your conversation internally.
16. If someone forgets their napkin or eschews the order of cutlery, do not draw attention to it at the expense of their reputation. Good manners are intended to make other people feel comfortable.
17. Sit with your legs together at all times. Crossing your legs reveals the soles of your feet which is highly disrespectful.
18. Maintain a metaphorical bubble between yourself and others. Your body language can be open but space is highly important; especially with royalty and people you are not familiar with.
19. Do not interrupt someone when they are speaking, whether in-real-life or via Zoom.
20. Maintain the same tone of voice and polite gratitude to all people in the room, from the hostess to the assistant. It will be noticed.