In the last few years many locals have been navigating huge changes to the foundations to their society; from cinemas reopening to next-level music concerts; the ban on women driving being lifted in 2018; men and women can respectfully mingle at social events, and so on. Change is hard though and many locals are tip-toeing into this new era, while others are rushing towards it, and some are skeptical altogether. The fact remains that it is a new Saudi Arabia but with the essence of its traditions fully intact. As a person wanting to experience Saudi or travel there for work, it’s of the utmost importance to respect the conservative core of this country’s vibrant history, whilst also being in awe of its future unfolding before all of our eyes.

But, I write this as a not so well-travelled Westerner who is deeply intrigued by Saudi culture. So, how can I really find out what to expect when visiting this country that has long been a fascinating mystery to many? In a slightly unconventional twist, I have worked with Deena Aljuhani Abdulaziz for nearly a decade and still do. Why would I not ask Deena herself for advice? She is a Saudi woman who has travelled the globe, loves her homeland, and deftly bridges many worlds. So I did ask. Below are excerpts from a long and wonderful conversation about her country, through her own eyes…

Deena: I only speak of my experience as a Saudi. I wouldn’t be able to represent the UAE for example. Saudi Arabia has changed dramatically in the past five years. All the rules we knew don't apply anymore so this is a tricky thing to explain. Whether the change is seen by some people as shocking or totally positive, the fact is inarguable - Saudi is not the same. However, our habits and traditions are ever-present. Society is still living the way they want to live. People are making the choice to embrace change or not. 

#1: When visiting KSA, it’s important to note that Saudis do respect you more if you are trying to show respect to the place you are in. It’s less about rules, it's more about showing that you want to pick up on cues as to what would be meaningful to a Saudi. 

Prime example: The talk of Riyadh when I landed recently was Celine Dion at the Elie Saab show… not just for her incredible talent and voice. Everyone was talking about her with respect because she was one of the only performers in the show that got a standing ovation. Saudis don’t normally get up and get crazy but they did for her. Celine Dion showed consideration to the local audience by dressing according to her environment. The way she held herself, moved subtly to the music, and handled herself with grace won the audience over atop her world-class talent. It endeared her to the audience immediately. The take-home? Consider your surroundings. Dress appropriately. Think about your body language. You stand out for not trying to showcase yourself overtly.

#2: The dress code has relaxed so the choice is yours now, but consider your outfit choices for reasons of respect. You don’t have to cover your head. However, for example, if you entered a mosque and you chose to cover your hair with a scarf that would show a huge amount of respect to the sacred space. It would be noted and locals would appreciate it highly.

For social events, it’s not about a strapless dress being a no-go… It’s about you making choices that you have applied thought to. You will be appreciated for showing consideration and awareness.

#3: On Saudi to Saudi interactions: The utmost sign of respect is that a man stays out of the way. It is up to the woman if she hands out her hand to greet. A man doesn’t know if she is open to that or not, so best to avoid and be led by the person you are greeting. If my husband says hello to a woman, he waits for the woman - he doesn’t put her in a difficult position. I always take a step back when greeting people to enable a gap/bubble between us out of consideration for their choices about personal space. When my husband is greeting another man, I take a step to the side and gently turn my back while they say hello. This is so that my husband can have his exchange and then choose if he wishes to introduce me. This is a move of mutual respect.

#4: Public displays of affection: If someone who is not from Saudi gives you a hug and they are the same gender that is OK. However, I personally avoid this. The best thing to do when visiting Saudi is to ensure you greet people without physical contact and give them space. Please mingle and greet people! Having conversations and asking curious questions that show an appreciation for local culture is going to be warmly welcomed. 

#5: Eye contact is important. It’s best not to misread the absence of eye contact. Saudi men are respectful of women and avoid eye contact so as to not make someone feel uncomfortable. I tend to look down as a sign of respect unless I know someone personally. Here’s a classic example, if you go back to the Jane Austen days men didn’t use eye contact! It’s actually about respect rather than being about rules! Just consider your non-verbal language - what are you communicating and is that appropriate?

#6: Specific etiquette for eating: The unspoken but real code around the dinner table in Saudi is based on consideration and high regard for the elders and those who have seniority. The first to eat are the elders and the most esteemed guest or person at the table. If someone has an important guest, the guest is highly honored - they will be served first and seated first. There is no such thing as the hostess eating before you do. You can start eating when the most senior person has started. Instead of thinking about rules just focus on being thoughtful and considerate - that will go a long way in Saudi culture.

Written by Philippa Morgan

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